edge of desire: a collection
by paper piper
Summary: kenshin was living on the edge. -ken/kao
1. i

This is an experiment. I decided to attempt something interesting. Did I win? Fail? Let me know! :D

Disclaimer: (sigh) Owning Kenshin would make my day, but sadly this is not a world where good things happen to me :/

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i.

He was hunched over the laundry, wringing out sopping wet clothes and tirelessly hanging them up. The day was beautiful, clouds floating across the sky, and the sound of hard training wafted to his ear from the dojo. Kenshin glanced over his shoulder at the class. Kaoru was sparring with Yahiko as examples for the other students. She lunged for him, he dodged, she struck again and knocked the teenaged boy to the floor. He sighed, suddenly feeling old next to their youthfulness.

_Young and full of running:_

_Tell me, where is that taking me—_

Kaoru and Yahiko grinned with manly sportsmanship. She teased him a bit as she helped him up and sent him to work with another student. Kenshin smiled; they weren't fighting much today. It was refreshing.

His violet eyes again wandered to her. Kaoru's back was to him with the bokken neatly over her shoulder. He thought vaguely how _nice_ she looked today.

As if she heard him looking at her, she turned her bright blue eyes on him. A smile lighted her flushed face, and she waved good-naturedly, eliciting a thump from his heart.

_Just a great figure eight_

_or a tiny infinity?_

Too easy. Too easy for her to stun him. A blush colored the older man's face, but he turned it away so she could not see.


	2. ii

ii.

_Love is really nothing_

_but a dream that keeps waking me;_

Rain pattered and dripped from the tombstone. Kneeling beside her grave, he felt heavy and small. It was only when he was here that he could remember distinctly the touch of her skin, the smell of her hair, and the faint, special smiles she spared for him. It was only when he was here that he allowed himself to ponder love.

_For all of my trying_

_We still end up dying_

In Kenshin's mind, love and pain existed together, intertwined, part of the same emotion, with fear an ever-present ghost to haunt him. He could not imagine a love that did not require pain to exist. He could not imagine loving a woman and it not ending in sorrow in the end.

_How can it be?_

Kaoru stepped behind him. She did not speak, but simply folded herself neatly next to him, where she nodded her head in prayer before his first wife's tomb. Kenshin watched her from the corner of his eye, feeling the love, pain, and fear together in one, palpable ache. She was too much, sitting there by the earth with her hair dripping down her face and her figure: too much for him to handle, and yet not enough to satisfy him.


	3. iii

iii.

There were rare moments when he forgot himself. So rare, that he scarcely remembered they happened; those little snippets of passion melted away into the daily chore of living, breathing, cooking, doing laundry, admiring her under the cloak of friendship. But they happened, and Kaoru remembered.

_Don't say a word,_

_Just come over and lie here with me_

One night, Yahiko was away at the Akebeko, and Kenshin had too much sake. Kaoru had done some reorganizing of the kitchen (a terrible idea), and he had inadvertently grabbed the wine when he wanted the tea. Kenshin was a terrible drunk; he was prone to singing and rambling and possibly even truth.

_Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see_

Kaoru was guiding him back to his room (he was also a clumsy drunk). He had his right arm around her waist, and her left arm was draped over his hips to keep him from falling. When she reached her lithe, pale arm out to slide the rice door open, he took her hand and kissed her pulse.

_I want you so bad_

_I'll go back on the things I believe_

His eyes were golden, like fireflies in the night meadow, a plaything for small children, tempting to a young woman.

_There I just said it:_

_I'm scared you'll forget about me_

He blinked a long, sensual blink, and his eyes returned to their normal, amiable amethyst.

But that glimpse of the raw man beneath the exterior was a streak across Kaoru's mind forever, like the flash after a camera.


	4. iv

iv.

_So young and full of running_

_All the way to the edge of desire_

The days when she dressed up for him were the worst.

He wasn't blind; he was a man, after all, even if a man scarred by past experience with love and loss. He couldn't help noticing the way a midnight blue kimono brought out the energetic color of her eyes, or softened the milky pallor of her skin. He never missed how her raven hair cascaded down her shoulders, begging his eager fingers to touch it.

_Steady my breathing_

_Silently screaming_

_I have to have you now_

Kaoru was always disappointed with his reaction; she hoped he would blush or smile his gentle smile and tell her she looked lovely. Unfortunately, her attempts to look lovely worked too well. Kenshin tried to avoid her those days. He could not meet her eye or even allow himself to touch her hand. She brought a weakness in him that he could not work with, so he ran from it.


	5. v

v.

_Wired and I'm tired_

_Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor_

The days when she had redress his wounds were the best, for several reasons.

For one, he had her virtually all to himself. She would remain by his side, sleeping, talking animatedly, or feeding him. Easy, too easy, to let her be wifely and dedicated, as if this was the natural order of things. As if she was meant to be his crutch in time of need.

_Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis_

_and find me on yours?_

Second, he was physically unable of taking advantage of her. Injured, he could hardly summon the energy to open his eyes, much less tackle her to the ground. Kenshin was able to control himself and have Kaoru all at once, and he loved it.

_Don't say a word—_

_Just come over and lie here with me_

_Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see_

As ridiculous as it sounds, there were times when Kenshin purposefully acted clumsy—running into a tree, or falling off the deck—so that she could come and nurse him back to health. Her smile was like sunshine, bright and generous, and he sighed under her warmth.

_I want you so bad_

_I'll go back on the things I believe_

He fell asleep easily on those days, with no nightmares, clutching her hand. Kaoru often fell asleep from her seat next to his futon, their fingers entwined.

Once, though, she had been dozing when he whimpered her name.

_There I just said it:_

_I'm scared you'll forget about me_

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Thank you for reading! Was it weird? I had trouble with this last one. Please review, I would appreciate it very much :]


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